Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Why I Should Be The Next Empathetic Supreme Court Nominee

Seeing as how we are about to set the precedent that empathy is the most important quality of a Supreme Court Justice, as opposed to say, brains for instance, I've been thinking that maybe I could be a Supreme Court Justice too. After all, I'd like to think I'm a pretty empathetic fella'. Why, just off the top of my head I can think of 15 reasons why I should be considered for the job.
15)As a youngster, even though Willie Mays was black, I cheered for him anyway, sometimes even in public.

14)I once read Bob Gibson's autobiography, From Ghetto To Glory. He's black too.

As a teenager, I took a summer job washing dishes in a Jewish hospital cafeteria which means...
13)I've done menial labor.
12)I know what it's like to live on minimum wage.
11)I helped the Jews.

10)I once had to forgo giving advice to President Nixon regarding his Watergate affairs because I was busy getting loaded at a Santana concert. Carlos Santana was Hispanic before there was such a thing as Hispanic- how cool is that!

9)Although deep-fried Cajun soul food is not my particular favorite, I once had the gizzards and chitin's sample platter at M&M's Fish And Chicken Shack, and didn't throw up.

I'm no longer a member of the Boy Scouts, so I can't be held accountable for...
8)Their instance that leaving an oversexed homosexual alone in the forest with a group of impressionable boys may not be the best combination.
7)Their constant yammering about honesty and trustworthiness and all those other outdated notions.
6)Their walking around in uniforms like some sort of midget Gestapo.

Sometimes I've dated Hispanic women, from whom I have learned...
5)How to order Carne Asada without sounding like a total redneck
4)That even though the government of Mexico is little more than a rival gang of the drug lords,our country should try to be more like Mexico anyway
3)Eating a bowl of Menudo can give you the runs.
2)The meaning of "pinche guerro".

And the number one reason for why I should be the next empathetic Supreme Court Justice, just like Judge Sotomayor, is...

1)I don't think anyone bothers with the Constitution anymore either.

1 comment:

Ryan Jerz said...

for some obvious reasons, I like #10 the most.

I haven't had Menudo in years. I should make some. I need to run more.