Thursday, June 25, 2009

Vote For Me, I Only Take My Pants Off At Home

As a general rule, I don't comment much on social issues. It's not that I don't care about them, but I'm hardly a poster boy for the family values set. I make no claims to marriage counseling skills, relationship building formulas, or advice for the lonely at heart. However, given the twin SNAFU's in the Republican ranks of late, I think remaining silent would be a mistake.

I think we can all agree that fidelity is a good thing and infidelity isn't. And, it's not just for married people either. Fidelity to ones country, ones family, ones cause, ones friends, and so on, is a good thing. Go down the list and fidelity is always better than infidelity. The point overlooked here is that even by bachelor standards, (yes, there is such a thing) both of these guys are seriously unhinged. Let's start with Governor Sanford.

Argentina? The guy went all the way to Argentina just to get a little sugar in his coffee. Had he gone to the Adirondacks, like his staff said, and picked up the first cutie impressed with his clean fingernails, I could skip this post. I mean, I might drive to Dayton for it, maybe as far as Fallon even, but Argentina? For God's sake man, get a grip. The rule here is that anytime you have to board an airplane to chase a skirt, you've probably lost all sense of perspective.

And then there's our own Senator Candypants: Cheated on the wife, strike one; she was married, strike two; and here's the kicker. Never, ever, ever, never, ever fish off the company pier. Never. Ever. Or, as an old friend once explained it, 'A dog don't eat where it shits. It's just common sense'. If your amount of common sense is something less than the average canine, you have no business being in the front yard.

Now then, since we Republicans are in a back-to-basics mentality, lets revue; near = good, far = bad; single = good, married = bad; friend = possibly good, co-worker = bad. It's not that difficult. If you're having problems, perhaps you could make some flash cards. I'll bet the wife might even be willing to help.

I'm glad we had this little talk.

2 comments: said...

You ever watched what/how chickens eat? Now...what will you have with the McNugget sandwich?

Local So-and-so said...

I'm not sure I get the connection, but from what I understand McNuggets are made from what is scraped off the floor at the slaughterhouse.